I think if i'm honest this is what it boils down too. Yes my marriage isn't in a very good state, but neither am I.
It doesn't matter to my Husband if I drink or not.. he isn't a massive drinker and doesn't drink at home - what does matter to my Husband is that I am OK to be around... and I don't think I am... as I haven't found happiness in my sobriety. Yet.
5 months in and it's tough - however I know it would be tougher if I was on the piss.
I can't have everything I want... but I have a lot to be grateful for. So thats what I'm going to focus on for now, being grateful and try and find some happiness - happiness in a new life that I don't recognise - its amazing how something can consume you, more than you ever thought possible.
I know a big part of my default is feeling sorry for myself, and there isn't a place for that now - I need to dig deep and work hard at this.
SB xx
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